When do you fight for what you want?
It’s a question that has plagued most of us at one point or another. And the harsh truth is that there is no right answer. There are a million different ways to solve problems, including walking away from them. We Do Not Live In A Black & White World. You have your own circumstances and your own personality traits and your own forces directing your life. I cannot tell you what is right for you, NOR can anyone else, including your loved ones!
Only you know what is right for you in your life right now. And even if you don’t know, that’s ok too because by taking action you’ll be able to figure it out. Staying stuck is the worst thing you can do. Want to know why? Because NOTHING will change, and that is the worst travesty that you can do to yourself.
Ok so why am I even writing this article when I’m telling you I can’t help you or guide you or give you any answers?
I’d like to share two personal stories with you. These are two vastly different stories of when I chose to fight for it and when I chose to walk away. I hope these give you some courage and insight to do what is right for you for whatever battle you are currently up against.
Story 1: Fight for what you want
Instagram deactivated my main account. For the 7th time in 11 months.
Royal. Pain. In. My. Ass.
Many of you have seen my main Instagram account @brandigetsreal from time to time. My mission there is to provide a respectful platform for an open dialogue on topics pertaining to relationships and sex. I try to promote a sex-positive environment where people can ask questions and can learn new ideas and techniques to have a fucking fantastic life, relationships, and sex life.
This is tricky business on Instagram because they have very elusive guidelines stating that anything “sexually suggestive” violates their community guidelines and is not allowed.
Never do they define exactly what they mean by “sexually suggestive”.
Instagram also states that nudity and pornography are not allowed. The only exception to that is if the image posted is “art”. So the image can be a drawing, painting, sculpture, etc. but NOT nude photography. The grey area here comes in when filters are applied to photos to make them LOOK like a drawing, etc.
When I first opened my Instagram account, I engaged in many direct message threads. And what I found was massive amounts of men coming at me by sending unsolicited dick pics (this is blatant harassment guys!) entitled assholes asking me to send them nudes, and even more men expecting me to be there for their sexting entertainment.
Since I am all about respect and teaching others how to treat you, I didn’t hold back in telling the guys what I thought of their douchebag-like actions.
Guess what happened… (ok well I HIGHLY SUSPECT this is what happened…)
Their fragile male egos were wounded and so they reported ME. This is how my account has been SHUT DOWN 7 times now.
(To be very clear with you, I have only had less than a handful of posts deleted by Instagram for violating community guidelines. If the image on a post itself is offensive (in Instagram’s eyes,) then it’s just the post itself that gets quickly deleted; not the entire account. So this leads me to believe that someone is reporting my entire account.)
So my reality on my Instagram account has become one of NOT accepting any direct messages and simply blocking anyone who displays a clear lack of respect either in DM or on comments on my posts.
But there are times when I can’t fucking take the abuse and harassment thrown at me on a DAILY basis and I speak up against the asshole throwing it at me.
And here I am again, my account reported and deactivated for the seventh time.
Instagram’s policies (which are NOT clearly defined) show a clear bias towards the bully. You are guilty until proven innocent. And it is up to the individual to fight to get their account back because Instagram (who is owned by Facebook,) doesn’t give a shit about your freedoms.
The easy thing to do to here would be to walk away from this fight. I could start a whole new account on Instagram or leave and go elsewhere and create new accounts on different platforms. Or just give up the mission entirely.
I will fight for what I want here because I think this mission is worth it.
I have a large amount of loyal and supportive followers on that main account that value my message. And if my message makes a positive impact on just a few lives, then I personally think this fight is worth it.
And so for this circumstance, I will fight the good fight.
By the way- you can find my backup Instagram account here: www.Instagram.com/brandiblueeyes
Story 2: It’s time to walk away
Relationships are hard to navigate at times. Ok well maybe a LOT of times.
My last relationship was one of the most nourishing relationships I have been in. He treated me better than I had been treated in previous relationships, and I loved every minute of that attention.
And yet things were always just a little off between us.
We openly talked about our differences, our wants, our needs and our desires. And we navigated through our similarities and differences quite well. And yet, things were just a bit off.
I thought we could give it time. And we did. We had so much fun together and the belly laughs were epic! And so time passed and things were still just a little off between us.
He voiced his reservations about our relationship a couple of times throughout the relationship, and I found myself talking my way through it; convincing him to stay with me essentially. And he did.
And things were great; but yet still a little off.
One of the things I was really good about throughout this entire relationship was speaking my truth. If you don’t know what that means. READ THIS article.
I was really good about asking for exactly what I want out of the relationship, and I got 95% of it. (And to be fair, I was giving just as much as I was receiving.) But it was that last bit that was always missing. He knew it and I knew it.
I found myself in the position of having to convince him to 1. Stay with me, and 2. Give me that extra 5% that had been missing.
And that’s NEVER a good place to be in.
No one should have to ever convince someone to be with them. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
- If they don’t see your value, let them go.
- When they won’t step up for you to meet you at your level, let them go.
- If they are constantly letting you down, let them go.
Because there is someone better suited to you out there and you’re holding yourself back by staying with someone that doesn’t want to be there with you.
And that’s horribly unfair to YOU.
For me, in this circumstance, I chose to walk away from this relationship. A relationship that had been more nourishing to me than any other in my past. THAT aspect of the relationship made my decision incredibly difficult. But in the end, I chose not to fight to keep someone that didn’t want to be there with me 100%.
Because I am worth 100% investment.
To fight or not to fight…
Every circumstance is going to be different and so it will be your decision for what’s right for you in your life.
Another example of this dilemma is laid out in my article Fuck This! I Deserve Better where I talk more about my professional path. Many of you will be able to relate to that one as well.
In deciding if you’re going to fight for what you want or walk away, ask yourself this:
- What’s in it for me if I fight?
- What’s in it for others if I fight?
If you win the fight, but in winning are perpetuating a path of continued misery, why would you fight? I’d encourage you to walk the fuck away instead.
If there is benefit for you in winning the fight at hand, isn’t it worth trying? Even if you do not win the fight, at least you are living without the regret of what could have been.
Not an easy decision most of the time.
And there aren’t really right or wrong decisions here.
Just do what YOU think is in your best interest. That’s all you can do.
Peace and love to you all.