Slut Shaming is KILLING your Sex Life

Want to have ecstatic sex with a woman? Then find a woman that is sexually empowered and feels safe and confident enough to totally be herself around you.

Want to know what kills that vibe?

Slut shaming.

Let’s look at this from a few angles…

pressure on women to be proper
*This is bullshit*

Women internalize so much shit. And there is way too much pressure on us to fit in, be in shape, have a pretty face, but not fake, be thin, but have a round butt, be voluptuous but not too curvy, smile pretty but don’t be a push over, have a career but cater to your partner, and the list goes on and on…

There is this awful taboo in our culture that the ‘good’ women are not supposed to be ‘sexual.’ And any woman who does openly enjoy sex is called any number of derogatory names: whore, slut, promiscuous, etc…

So women are often times stuck between what feels right and natural (embracing their sexuality,) and what is considered acceptable for them in our society. For strong and empowered women, many of them are able to cast off the society’s expectations and say “Fuck it, I embrace my sexuality.” Kuddos to them. Truly.

There will be some women on the complete opposite end of the spectrum though that will deny their sexual nature all together because it is “dirty, debasing, unholy” etc… (I’d highly recommend reading my article Screw The Taboo.)

But a majority of women today fall somewhere in the middle; sex feels good and they want to enjoy it and embrace that part of their nature, but they hold back to some degree because it’s still taboo in today’s culture.

Because slut shaming is rampant today.

What do I mean by slut shaming?

Thinking any woman is inferior for openly talking about sex, enjoying her sexual nature and experiences or dressing in any provocative manner.

The person doing the slut-shaming is actively placing a negative judgement on the woman, thus setting themselves to be a higher caliber of person. (And let’s be real here: both men AND WOMEN engage in slut shaming, neither of which is ok in my book.)

Here’s a psychological truth bomb for you:

When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.

 

Ahhhh…. What does THAT look like??

slut shaming

  • Female: “Look at the skank! Her tits are hanging out of her top!”
  • Female inner turmoil: not comfortable being free with her own body

 

  • Male: “That hoe has slept with half the football team. There’s no way I’d touch her.”
  • Male inner mind: I can’t even get a girl to touch my dick, so therefore I won’t touch a girl that’s not still a virgin because otherwise she’ll know that I don’t know what the hell to do with a girl.

 

  • Female: “Omg, Sally was talking about her orgasmic experience with Dave last night. What a slut!”
  • Female inner struggle: I’ve never had an orgasm, so I’ll judge anyone else that has had better than me so I can bring them down to my level of misery and level the playing field.

 

  • Male: “That woman keeps posting sexually suggestive memes on her Instagram page. She must be a hoe.” (But behind the scenes: I sent her a picture of my dick via DM and she told me to fuck off. She didn’t even give me a compliment on my dick. She’s a whore.)
  • Male internal ego struggle: I can’t get the attention of the sexy woman, so I’ll attack her moral character to make myself feel better.

difference between slut and bitch joke

Ok now let’s flip the script:

  • Female: “Look at the sexy woman! She looks phenomenal in her top! Way to OWN IT!!”
  • Male: “I’ve heard rumors that this woman has slept with half the football team. She must really enjoy her sexuality. Good for her!”
  • Female: “Omg, Sally was talking about her orgasmic experience with Dave last night. I can’t wait to experience that! I wonder if she’d give me some help on how to achieve that myself?”
  • Male: “That woman keeps posting sexually suggestive memes on her Instagram page. Good for her for paving the way for all of us to be more sexually empowered.”

The person that is comfortable allowing others to be happy in themselves and their own pursuits is the person that can fully embrace their own happiness. This person does not place judgement on others, nor does this person allow others to judge him/herself. They recognize that everyone is on their own journey and is supportive and happy for people that ‘have more’ than they do. They embody the mantras:

Love and let love

Live and let live

 

Here’s the “get real” part:

If you want to have ecstatic sex with a woman, then SHE needs to feel ok embracing her sexuality. There is no room there for feeling shame about her body. Neither is there room for feeling shame about touching her partner’s body. There is no room there for feeling shame about looking her partner in the eyes as she gives them oral pleasure.

There is no room for shame there period.

So how do we stop the slut shaming?

First: you need to stop judging others for being openly sexual. It’s ok if you’re not AS open as someone else. Everyone has their own pace and their own level of openness. If you know someone that is at a level that you want to be at, seek their counsel. Have a really open and honest discussion with them about the how and the why they are where they are. That would be fucking fantastic, wouldn’t it?

So just stop placing judgments on others. Period.

But beyond fixing yourself, the next step to stop slut shaming is to start calling out instances of it happening around you.

That happens just one small step at a time.

It is possible to politely call people out on their judgmental attitudes; just ask them why they are acting the way they are or saying the words they are saying. This is a very simple way to get people to self-analyze and get to the root of what they actually believe.  Just keep asking them ‘Why?

Here’s a sample of what I’m talking about:

Guy: “That woman keeps posting sexually suggestive memes on her Instagram page. She must be a hoe.”

Friend: “Do you not like the sexual memes?”that wasn't sex that was poetry in motion

Guy: “Yeah I like them. They’re hot.”

Friend: “Then why did you call the woman a hoe?”

Guy: “Well, I sent her my pic and she told me to fuck off. She’s got something wrong with her.”

Friend: “Hold up – what kind of a pic did you send her?”

Guy: “What you’re supposed to send to a sexy woman – my big dick.”

Friend: “Duuuuude. Why do you think you’re supposed to send that?”

Guy: “Isn’t that what all sexy women want??”

Friend: “No. You can’t assume that. So why do you think it’s ok to call her names when you assumed she’d fall for your dick but instead put you in your place?”

Guy: “Well… ummm….”

Friend: “So you acted like a douche to her cause she rejected your ass and now you’re mad and calling her names? Did I get that straight??”

Guy: “crap.”

 

Slut shaming is totally counterproductive to your sex life.

If you want ecstatic sex, then you’re going to want a partner who knows their body and knows what the fuck they’re doing in bed. Want to know how they gain that experience? By having sex. Multiple times. With multiple partners.

But that’s not acceptable until the slut shaming goes away.

Here’s hoping we get there soon. Because life should be FULL of ecstatic sexual experiences.

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1 thought on “Slut Shaming is KILLING your Sex Life”

  1. I like to talk about sexuality like some ppl discuss the weather or their favorite sports team. I’ve always been this way. I was beginning to lose hope and think something was wrong w me because society makes u feel like some perverted outcast. Thank you for shedding light and keep it 100.

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