Want to play a little game to turn your secret sexual fantasies into reality?
Cum… let’s play!
So here’s my motivation in writing this piece for you all: too many long-term relationships go stale! The reality for far too many couples is that when you’ve been married for a long time, or just with the same partner for years and years, chances are really good that your sex life has gone stagnant. There are SO many factors of why that happens, but wouldn’t it be great to reconnect with your spouse / partner and get back to some raunchy fun??
Communication is critical in having an ongoing, committed, endearing, loving relationship. And it’s really unfortunate that too many couples don’t feel comfortable talking to their partners about sexual fantasies, but instead find themselves masturbating in secret to get themselves off because their sexual encounters with their partner (or lack thereof,) are just not satisfying their desires!
So let’s play a little game today. This is a great way to break the ice with your partner to open the lines of communication that can help you get back to a thriving sex life!
Secret Sexual Fantasies Game: How to Play
There are 25 sexual fantasies listed below that range from fairly common and tame up to rather raunchy and kinky. Send this article to your partner and each one of you (separately) has to select your top 4 fantasies that you’d like to explore together as a couple. And then it’s time to get busy!
It’s important that you agree upfront to NOT judge each other for your fantasies here. No one will be forcing anyone into an act that makes them horribly uncomfortable. This is just a great way to get your sex life revved up and get you two connecting sexually once again!
Disclaimer: Everybody has their limits. If your partner is scared to try your fantasy, then calmly ask them if it’s a hard limit, or if it’s something you could work up to together. Some people have trauma from their past that can be triggered by certain experiences, so don’t push your kinky fantasy on a partner that would feel traumatized. That’s the last thing either of you needs to cultivate in your sex life!
Some of these experiences might be really new areas of exploration for one partner or for the both of you, so I suggest going into these with a sense of humor! A couple that can laugh their asses off together IN BED is a couple that can successfully navigate their way through any pretzel-twisting flying acrobatics of a sexual maneuver!
Keep your expectations in check the first time you attempt something radically new. You’re probably not going to pull off your new moves flawlessly and come away with a day-long blissfully orgasmic smile stuck to your face, (but wouldn’t that be EPIC?!?) so just go with it and HAVE FUN.
Some of the fantasies are obviously geared for one gender over the other but keep an open mind and you can make it apply the other way around if that suits your desires!
You can combine some of these fantasies into a session together or add your own parameters or fine print to any of these fantasies. The point is to pick a few items and GO DO IT.
As your lover is trying something new for you and going out of their comfort zone to please you, give them LOTS OF PRAISE! It doesn’t matter if they totally miss the mark on performing any of these fantasies, the fact that they are willing to TRY, means they deserve much praise! Shower them with compliments as they go through these acts with you; it’s going to encourage them to want to do MORE with you!
Ok time for some sexy explorations!
25 Secret Sexual Fantasies
Quite simply: you want more sex. This is where you get to fill in the following sentence for your partner:
I love it when we have sex (fill in the quantity) times per (fill in the time frame: week/year/century). But I would really like to have sex (fill in the quantity) times per week.
This game can be great for you because if your partner is willing to engage more often with you sexually, then you can play into their fantasies to help foster that desire between you two!
Lingerie / Sexy Shoes
Adding some sexy lingerie and/or killer heels is a great way to stimulate HIS eyes and make HER feel super sexy! Both are great for igniting some serious heat! There are lots of options when it comes to lingerie so be sure to find something that turns you both on. Leather? Lace? Silk? Latex? Strappy? Corset? See-through? Crotchless? Black? Red? White?
It can be a fun bonding experience to go shopping together for some new pieces that get you both excited! If you need a place with a wide selection, GO HERE.
It’s all in the enticement! Build the excitement with a sexy strip tease for your lover! There are no limits of how creative, sultry or funny you can get with this one. You can add variations here too: an erotic dance, a lap dance, pole dance, or just the stripping.
If you’ve never done a strip tease and have no idea how to even start, this video will give you some basics:
And if you want some sultry and seductive dance moves, check out this video:
Some people LOVE talking during sex and others not so much. Talking dirty with your lover can be really fun and a great way to entice MORE from your lover and tease out a situation.
If you want your lover to talk dirty to you and they are uncomfortable doing so, you can elicit more from them by talking to them while engaged in sex and by asking leading questions of them.
- “Tell me where you’d like my hands to go next… I want to hear you say it before I’ll do it…”
- “My cock is throbbing for you right now… tell me where would you like me to put it.”
- “What would you like to do with me when you get me in bed tonight? Tell me every detail now…”
All of these are great ways to get your lover talking dirty to you. You can get as colorful here with your language as you’re comfortable.
Disclaimer: Ask your partner upfront if there are certain terms or names that are a turn off. Not everyone LIKES to be called a dirty slut in bed, and for others that’s a total turn on!
So many options with this one! Maybe you’ve got a secret fantasy involving a French maid, a sexy secretary, a school girl, or a slutty nurse. What ultimate costume fantasy gets you all hot and bothered?
Lots of costume shops are going to have sexy outfits for both men and women (thanks to Halloween being turned into a total sex-fest!) or you can find a selection of costume wear HERE.
Masturbate for Each Other
Masturbation does not need to be done in secret anymore! (Read my whole Masturbation article HERE.)
Masturbating in front of each other can be so fucking erotic and the ultimate in sexy! And it’s the perfect way to learn what your lover likes and HOW they like it. Pay VERY close attention here to every nuance of your lover as they perform for you.
You can try various ways to do this:
- One partner lies down on the bed and the other straddles on top of them. The person on top masturbates themselves while the bottom person has to watch with unwavering attention.
- Both partners face each other and aren’t allowed to take their eyes off each other while each person masturbates themselves.
- You can also masturbate your partner while they masturbate you. This can be a bit distracting to do simultaneously so you might need to take turns!
If you’re not showing with your lover, you’re missing out! A couple thoughts for you on this one:
- Don’t be a water hog. If you only have one shower head, take turns under the water.
- Wash your lover’s body; not your own! Get your bare hands all soapy and then enjoy the feeling of your hands gliding over EVERY inch of their body. Watch their facial expressions as you concentrate on key areas of their body.
- GET A REMOVABLE SHOWER HEAD. This is a blissful way to help a woman have an orgasm! The extra pressure of the jet stream held close to her clit is a great way to start any day! Then you can turn her around, bend her over and enter her pussy from behind. She’ll be screaming your name in no time!
- You may find that even though you’re in the shower and you’ve got water running over you, she’s not properly lubricated. Most women need some extra lubrication from time to time (it has a TON to do with the hormonal fluctuations of her monthly cycle, NOT how turned on she is or isn’t,) and so even in a shower she may start chaffing if you don’t do something. DO NOT ADD SOAP. She does not need soap in her vagina! Instead you can use a silicone lube; it’s not water based so it won’t wear off unless you use soap, and it doesn’t absorb into the skin so it’ll last and last in the shower! Check out my favorite silicone lube HERE.
There are so many options here and if you’re going to pick this fantasy, you’ll need to set the scene for your partner.
- Sex on the beach? At a park? In a public setting?
- During daylight hours or at night?
- Do you want the element of voyeurism? (People might see you.) Or do you want that element removed?
You could go ultra-risky and have sex on the beach during the day when other people are present, or you could have sex under the stars on a moonlit night in an abandoned camp ground in the bed of a pickup truck. Both are thrilling and magical experiences! Just find what’s right for you.
Quickie in Public
As nice as it is to make love for hours and hours, a quickie can be so hot and leave you breathless!
Set up your parameters ahead of time with this one:
- Do you want the risk of being discovered in the act or not?
- Would you like to set the location ahead of time or appoint one of you to take the other by surprise?
- Do you need to prep for this? (Condoms, she can wear a sundress with no panties, etc.)
Do you have a scene you’ve fantasized about? Maybe you’ve seen it in a porn clip or even in a mainstream movie.
There is no limit to the variations you can create here. But here are some of the most common role-playing scenarios:
- Master / Servant
- French Maid
- Pool Boy
- Pizza Delivery Man
- Handy Man
- Nurse or Doctor
If you’re not regularly engaging in oral sex with your partner, it’s time to get on it! It’s like eating food without flavor if you’re having intercourse without oral!
If you’re a woman that is not totally sure what to do to please your man orally, then ask him to guide you. I’m sure he’ll be MORE than happy to tell you what to do to give him HIS favorite blow job!
Oral on women is MUCH trickier. There’s way more nuance, and each woman is quite different. Check out the article I wrote on this topic called Going Down: Female Edition. Be SURE to watch the video at the end with Nina Hartley. Even I learned something from that video when I first saw it!
Anal sex doesn’t have to be this scary, taboo thing. It CAN be incredibly enjoyable IF it’s done correctly.
Whatever you do: NO SURPRISE ANAL!
Take your time in working up to full-on anal sex. Starting with one finger inserted in the anus is preferable. Then progress to two fingers, then perhaps a toy or small butt plug. Work your way up in size until you’re ready for full-on anal sex with a penis. Even then, take it SLOW.
You have to use good lube!! Silicone lubes are preferable for anal; read my Ultimate Guide To Lubes HERE.
By the way, this can go for both women AND men. Some men do enjoy a finger in the ass as well!
Bondage can be lots of fun for playtime!
In order for this to be fun and erotic, there needs to be TRUST between the two parties. Otherwise, this option should be off the table.
Tell your partner what turns you on:
- Handcuffs (padded or metal?)
- Being tied to the bed (with silk ties or rope?)
- Bondage clothing
Sex toys are NOT just for solo play! Adding toys to the sessions with your lover can add that extra element of eroticism!
Check out this selection of BEST COUPLE TOYS. You can use:
Also check out these 10 New Sex Toys You Didn’t Know Existed
Definition: The deriving of sexual gratification or pleasure from being physically or emotionally abused or from being humiliated or mistreated.
The world of masochism can be as light as a playful spank to the ass or go much more extreme from there. It usually involves turning pain into a pleasurable pursuit. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then this is not a category for you.
Spanking and choking are the easier ways to get into this realm.
Various toys/devices can be used here as well:
Be very clear with your boundaries with your lover here. And I can’t stress enough how important it is to have FULL TRUST in your partner BEFORE approaching this category.
Definition: approaching the edge of sexual orgasm and withdrawing, usually several times, before finally achieving orgasm. meant to intensify orgasm, and for men, volume of ejaculate and force of ejaculation.
Edging is a phenomenal technique to get to know your own body extremely well and to learn to control yourself in timing and in pace.
Using this technique on your lover can be a fabulous way to explore their body and learn their sexual limits. It can also be tortuous if you deny them orgasm too many times, so use this wisely!
She’s In Charge / FemDom / Dominatrix
Role reversal can be a HUGE turn on! Some men love to be dominated by their woman!
This can be as simple as the woman just calling all the shots in their sexual play for the session: she decides the pace, the positions, the location, and when they get to cum – or not. She’s totally in charge.
You can take this up a few notches by adding in a FemDom or Dominatrix vibe. Often this involves humiliation of the sub (man,) and also often involves various forms of masochism.
Again, it’s vitally important to discuss each other’s limits ahead of time here. As long as full consent is present from both parties here, then run with it!
Recreate a Porn Scene
Chances are REALLY good one or both of you has watched a good deal of porn and has their favorite scenes or types of scenes.
Pick a favorite scene and watch it together with your lover.
Then reenact it!
(Keep a sense of humor intact here please! Not everything you see is as easy as it looks!)
Make Your Own Porno
Create your own porn video(s) that you can enjoy together!
Again- keep a sense of humor when doing this! Getting that “perfect shot” is harder than it looks on PornHub!
Learn to laugh at yourselves when doing this stuff; it’s going to make this a whole lot of fun that will keep you both cuming back for more!
Watch Your Partner with Another Person
This can be a fantasy come true for some people!
This doesn’t necessarily mean they want to share you, or have any sort of open relationship, nor does this need to be an ongoing thing. You both need to set your boundaries and limits if this is going to work and not destroy your relationship.
Be very transparent with your partner about what is and what is not desired here. Absolutely clear communication about this session is how it can turn into a phenomenally fabulous experience!
This is probably the most popular fantasy with sexually active people. You can choose to keep this idea in the realm of fantasy land, or you can choose to talk VERY openly with your partner about making this fantasy come true.
Some factors to discuss up front:
- What is the gender of the third person?
- Is this situation a Share-For-All or Share-For-One? (Meaning will all three people get to interact with everyone? Or will one person be the one catered to and the only one that gets to be engaged with?)
- Do you have boundaries with the third person? (Is touching ok? What about oral sex? Is intercourse an option?)
- Is this a one-time experience or an ongoing exploration?
Pegging is anal sex reversed. A woman wears a strap-on dildo and has anal sex with the man.
Some men LOVE this. And some women LOVE to do this. Remember: NO judgments either way!
Make sure you’ve got good lube and the right equipment… and go to it!
Also known as DP, this is when a woman has two cocks inserted into her. For any woman that likes anal sex, this is a MIND-BLOWING experience!
There are many variations here:
- DP can involve the mouth, pussy or anus. Most often it’s DP in the pussy and ass.
- You can do this with two male partners, or with one partner and toy(s).
- If a woman is doing this with one male partner, they can use a butt plug in the ass, a dildo in the ass (or reversed), or he can wear a strap-on that’s specially made for this purpose.
Swingers Party / Orgy Party
Have a party; invite all your sexy, swingin’ friends and see where it goes!
This might be an ultimate fantasy, and it might be a reality come true for you. If you’re going to attempt this one, be VERY clear with your partner what is and what is not acceptable during the party.
Clear communication. Clean communication.
And maybe some alcohol.
Fill in your personal fantasy here!
Ok here’s your chance to fill in a fantasy of yours that wasn’t listed here that you’d like to explore with your partner! Be as specific as you’d like here and have fun with it!
A few final words on this Secret Sexual Fantasies Game:
Agree up front that you will not judge each other on the fantasies that you share with your partner. That is the only way you both will feel the freedom necessary to explore openly here.
This should be FUN; not stressful. Please be ready and willing to laugh at yourself!
Give your lover LOTS OF PRAISE for trying any of these experiences! That is the one thing that will keep them coming back for more and more.
Start off simple and light with any of these new experiences. You can build up the intensity as you can become more skilled in that area.