Say YES to Decadence
Forget about decadence in terms of sweets and desserts, and think more in terms of a decadent life full of vibrant experiences…
But how do you get THERE…?
You say YES.
Hear me out…
Once upon a time I was newly separated from my husband of 10 years and trying to navigate LIFE on my own. I was trying to find my own voice that had been lost; I was trying to mend my heart that had slowly eroded into nothingness, and I was trying to find my spine that had proverbially disappeared sometime in the previous decade.
And that’s when it happened. A simple, mundane question was asked and it shifted my whole world.
I was driving around town listening to the local radio station during their morning show. They were asking listeners to call in to answer a question. The question of the day was to chose between 2 non-desirable options which were these:
- You can either choose to never get to play games for the rest of your life, or…
- You can choose to play games in your life, knowing that every single time you play a game you’re going to lose.
Which would you choose?
My immediate reaction to that question was conflicted; I like to play games, but I’m competitive and I like to win! So I was torn.
And then it hit me: it was very clear to me that I would chose to play the games knowing I’d lose every time… because at least I’m playing the games!!
And that’s when the EPIPHANY hit me: That was how I had been living my life!
I had been going through my life NOT engaging in the ‘game’ of life. I said no to everything because that felt safe; it kept me from having to wake up from my flatline of a life.
I did not go out, didn’t play, wasn’t engaging in life. I was hiding out in my house; safe in my comfort zone of nothingness.
It was an oppressiveness that I hated.
I wanted to claw at life, to resuscitate myself back into an ALIVE state!
In that instance of this epiphany, I knew I had the answer. I had to get back in the game again… it was time to say YES to… everything!
I promised myself in that moment that I would step back onto the rollercoaster of life once again, and that I would NEVER go back to the flatline existence. That was a fate worse than death to me; a fate of being a functioning human, but being dead inside. It was a SLOW decline into that state; so slow that I didn’t see it happening. But once I was aware of it, I vowed to never let myself even get close to that place again.
I vowed to wake the fuck up.
And now you would be right to ask me: but how? How did you wake the fuck up?
I said yes.
Yes to everything that was in my power to say yes to.
I knew going in that there were going to be times that I failed. And I thought that was great! After being so dead inside for so long, I just wanted to FEEL again; to EXPERIENCE something, anything! Again. And the sting of failure was a part of that equation.
I knew going into this phase in my life (otherwise known as the rest of my life…) that I was going to get hurt. Part of waking the fuck up meant that I had to show myself to the world. I had to open up and be vulnerable… and in doing THAT comes the risk of being judged and ridiculed and hurt. I accepted this because I knew that was part of my journey in finding greatness. The risks had to be taken if I wanted something better for myself than where I had been.
I loved myself just barely enough in those moments to make the choice to be courageous.
Once I started putting myself out into the world again and saying yes to anything new, whether that be new experiences or new people or new opportunities, I never felt so alive and so exhilarated! This was a rebirth of ME; and yet it was a whole NEW me. And I was on a natural high for a long time just because I was awake again!
Ok so now I get to tell you the full truth of it here. Why? Because I don’t bullshit you. I am real with you as I think we all need to be real with ourselves too! Too few of us have the courage to be REAL and RAW.
Have courage and do it anyway.
When I started on my journey of saying YES; of engaging in the ‘game’ of life once again, it was a fucking rollercoaster ride.
I thought I had experienced lows before, but I had no idea where the bottom was because sometimes my life went lower. But you know what also happened?
It got better.
There is nothing in the universe stronger than the human spirit.
Lean on that principle.
And it will resuscitate you back to life.
I could tell you tale after tale of how and why my rollercoaster ride just kept going down and down, then resurfacing, only to go down and down again… and there were times when I desparately wanted to go back to my flatline of an existence because that would have been SO much easier to cope with!
But I had promised myself I would never go back there.
And so after I was able to catch my breath again, I continued saying YES to life. I continued saying YES to new experiences, new people, and new potential!
My reality from doing this became pseudo-chaotic… my life was all over the place with highs and lows and connections and abandonment and hope and love and fears.
It was a fucking rollercoaster ride.
But it got better.
I got better!
I got better at navigating my way towards more highs and less lows. And once I figured out that navigation, my life opened up dramatically to a vibrantly rich, ecstatic LIFE!
(And no, I can’t tell you exactly how to navigate your life to that point, because whatever I did isn’t going to work for you because we are all different people with different pasts that shape our worlds. You have to find your own path here. And yes- I know that sucks of me to say that because there were times that I screamed at the universe to just give me the answers already! If only life were that easy. But you know what? Sometimes it is… ? )
Your fears are going to come to the surface in this process! It’s only natural as it’s our body’s way of protecting us. But I encourage you to simply acknowledge your fear, and then move forward anyway.
I recently had someone close to me remind me of this very thing…
Me: I’m afraid to do this (jump right in) because I might get hurt.
Them: What’s the worst that could happen if you do this?
Me: I could be abandoned. Again.
Them: And what’s the worst that could happen if you are abandoned again?
Me: I would suffer for a time.
Them: And what’s the worst that could happen if you suffered for a time?
Me; I would want to shut off from the world.
Them: And what’s the worst that could happen if you shut off from the world?
Me: I’d go back to living a flatline of an existence.
Them: And what’s the worst that can happen if you live that flatline?
Me: I’d be dead inside.
Them: What the worst that could happen if you’re dead inside?
Me: There’s nothing worse. That’s NOT LIVING.
Them: Then what are you going to do? Say no to this opportunity which has potential negative consequences, or say YES to this opportunity which then give to the POTENTIAL for greatness in the future?
And so I said YES.
I said yes even though there was no guarantee of success or failure, nor greatness or demise. I said yes because I wanted the CHANCE for something phenomenal to happen!
When you say NO, you deny yourself that chance every single time. Every fucking single time.
Love yourself enough to say YES. Love yourself JUST enough to give yourself a chance on something fucking fantastic.
Disclaimer: I am encouraging you to say YES to many things in your life: new experiences, meeting new people, trying new things, etc. I am NOT telling you to say yes to everything and everyone. My general rule when it comes to saying yes to anything at hand: If it’s in my power to do something (activity,) then I say yes, even if it’s out of my comfort zone or makes me uncomfortable. If my gut is telling me yes, then I do it. If I don’t know yet how I’m going to feel about something and don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other, then I say YES. Because once you’re put in that situation, then you’ll KNOW for sure how you feel about it! And I think that’s a good thing!
When I say no:
- If my spidey senses are telling me NO, then I stop and reassess. Maybe I need to research a little more before I can say yes, or maybe that’s where the road stops for that endeavor.
- If I am depleted physically, emotionally and spiritually, then I say YES to me. I take care of myself first so that I am whole and energized to fully participate in the ‘games’ of life once again.
If you really desire more and better in your life, then you have to open yourself up to receive MORE. It’s not going to happen by playing it safe and staying in your comfort zone. Start saying yes to more… and watch your life transform in ways you didn’t think possible.