Nobody likes to live a life with regrets. That’s a lot of guilt and angst to hang onto and no one needs that extra burden on their shoulders.
So I have one very simple thing for you to do in order to live WITHOUT regrets:
Speak Your Truth
I tell you this because this has been a lesson that I recently learned for myself. And you know what I found through this lesson? The tough crap you go through in life isn’t nearly as tough when you have stated your personal truths. So why not make life suck less…
Speak your truth.
Sounds pretty basic and straight-forward right?
It is. But it’s not always easy. It’s going to take some courage.
Let’s break it down…
First: Quit bullshitting yourself
How many lies to you feed yourself every day?
- I’m not good enough for that job.
- He / she could never love me.
- I am fat.
- I’m ugly.
- Nobody likes me.
Is this what you want to believe? Or is it the actions of other crappy people in your life that has led you to these false conclusions?
Quit it. Quit feeding yourself this bullshit.
What is it that you WANT to believe about yourself?
- I would rock that job!
- I am totally loveable!
- I’m perfect in my own way.
- I am adorable.
- I’m an awesome person!
Let these statements become your truths! State these truths out loud enough times and you WILL start to believe them. I promise you it will sink in… in time.
Second: Speak Your Truth in relationships
How much do you hold back in your romantic relationships because you’re afraid of being rejected?
Ahh… there is too much angst that so many of us live with in the dating world! We’re afraid to ask for what we really want out of fear of being judged or being abandoned.
But aren’t you doing yourself a disservice? Aren’t you short-changing yourself here?
How will you ever get what you want if you don’t have the courage to ask for it?? (More on that in THIS article.)
When you hold back in speaking your truths to your partner, you cannot assume that they will just magically ‘get it’ and know exactly what you want or need from the relationship. So speak up and state your truth!
Your truths might change over time… they SHOULD change over time because we are all evolving beings. We live and we learn, and so your truths will evolve as well.
Continue to speak your truth as you evolve!
When you know your truths, there is less angst when it comes to others wanting you to compromise yourself. You KNOW what’s true for you in what you want, what you desire, and what you are willing to negotiate on. So when someone questions you on any of this, there is little debating about it; you already know the answers.
Hold your ground with your boundaries in your relationships. Knowing what you want and need in a relationship is a great start, but there are some that will try to get you to lower your standards to meet theirs; hold firm to your boundaries. Lowering your standards to accommodate someone will only leave you with more angst on your shoulders.
But here’s the cool part (if there is one,) about the clusterfuck of a break up: When you have spoken your truths to your partner and you decide to part ways, then you know without a doubt that they are not a good fit for you because they got 100% YOU. Their truths may not have aligned with yours, and that’s OK! (I know – it still sucks. But it doesn’t suck as much this way.)
But the best part is that you get the opportunity to go connect with others that better align with YOUR truths. And THAT is where hope begins.
Third: Speak your truth with your family
This is a HUGE deal and a topic not easily covered here. If you are lucky enough to have parents, siblings, etc. that are loving forces in your life, then this advice will apply. (If any of your family members are a toxic force in your life, then ignore this advice for that person in particular because it’s not going to do good for YOU.)
When you know your own personal truths and yet you hide that from your family members, you are short-changing yourself from those loved ones being able to accept you for who you really are and love you exactly as you are.
How much weight would come off your shoulders to come clean with your family? To tell them exactly who you are? Who you are becoming? How relieved will you feel when they welcome the real YOU with open arms?
Will you give them that chance?
Might there be some issues to work through with the people in your life as you speak your truths?
Yes, absolutely. But you’re worth that effort. Know that and own it.
Is it awkward to speak your truth to someone you care about?
Initially, yes. But speak your truth anyway. And here’s a little secret: it gets easier and easier the more you do this. The level of stress and angst in your life goes down each time you speak your truth.
Fourth: Speak your truth NOW.
Time is not guaranteed for anyone. We all take it for granted that our loved ones will be around for another decade, another year, another day. But that’s not guaranteed. It’s a sobering truth about our fragile lives.
I missed telling my mother goodbye in the span of a 3-hour flight to rush to her bedside. And that’s a regret that I will continue to live with during my lifetime.
Do not assume that you have unlimited time to speak your truth. Just do it now while you’ve still got the chance.
Speak your truth.
When you know your truth and speak it in the moment, you are being authentically you. And THAT is how you live a life without regrets.
By the way…
How does someone find their own personal truths?
Fuck shit up.
And LEARN from it all.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue and figure out what is true for YOU. Not what others tell you or what society dictates, but what is really true for YOU personally.