How will you get what you want out of life if you lack the courage to ask for it?
- Your stagnant marriage will not get better unless you have the courage to speak up to change the status quo.
- You will be passed over for the company promotion until you have the courage to assert yourself for the higher position.
- The guy you secretly have a crush on will continue to not notice you unless you have the courage to put yourself in his line of sight.
- Your girlfriend who has not yet reciprocated oral pleasures in bed is not going to suddenly give you head unless you have the courage to politely ask for it.
So many people are held back in their lives and in their relationships because they fear the unknown, or because they fear being judged by others. These fears are mild for some and crippling for others. But those fears hold you back and prevent you from having what you want in your relationships and in life in general.
Acknowledge the fear(s)
When you can identify the fear behind your actions (or inaction here) then it helps you get around the block. Ask yourself “why” questions:
- You’re not happy with your stagnant marriage. Why aren’t you speaking up? Because I’m afraid of what will happen if we end up divorced.
- You want the company promotion. Why haven’t you spoken to your manager about the position? Because I’m afraid of being ridiculed for even thinking I’m good enough to handle that job.
- I want my crush to notice me. Why haven’t I approached him? Because I’m afraid he’ll reject me.
- I want my girlfriend to give me a blow job. Why haven’t I asked her for this? Because I’m afraid she’ll say I’m too demanding and leave me.
Take responsibility of your current status quo
You’re where you are in your relationship or job, etc because you have accepted those terms. You wouldn’t be there if you didn’t accept those terms. You have to own up to your part in this. Only then will you have some power in changing things!
- A marriage only goes stagnant when TWO people let it get that way.
- You have your current job because you accepted that offer.
- Your crush doesn’t know you exist because you haven’t given them the chance to know you exist!
- You’ve allowed your girlfriend to take and take from you without receiving back from her in return. You have allowed the imbalance and taught her through your actions that that’s ok.
I wrote a lot more about this topic in another article “How to get people to treat you better without being an asshole.”
No matter the type of relationship, (romantic, friendship, working, family, etc.) it is a two-way street. The relationship can be fully dysfunctional and still function. We see unlimited examples of this everyday of our lives! But you can create a healthier relationship by first acknowledging your contribution to making the relationship what it is today.
If you want something different, you need to ask for it.
To have the relationship YOU want, you need to ask for it!
Here is where communication is so essential. And this starts with being honest with yourself. Identify what it is that you really want; what do you desire that you do not currently see represented in your relationship? You might be able to come up with 2 answers to this question, and other might be able to come up with 1000 answers to this question. All thoughts and desires here are valid because they are your needs and desires.
But in order for you to get what you want, then you need to clearly identify those needs and desires. Make sense? Cool, now to do the asking…
There are nice ways to ask for what you want!
You do not need to be demanding or an asshole here to get what you want. That will get you the opposite results (well, it SHOULD get you the wrong results!)
There are ways to ask for what you want AND be kind in the process. I wrote more about this in the article I mentioned earlier “How to get people to treat you better without being an asshole.”
Here’s what I’m talking about:
- You want your stagnant marriage to improve. “Honey, we’ve been married for over 15 years now and I love you dearly. I’m feeling like we’ve grown apart and just aren’t connecting as well as we used to. I’d like to see that trend flip back around so we can have fun together again. What can we do to make our marriage better?”
- You want the company promotion. “Hi Boss. I’d like to talk to you about the current open position at the company. It’s a position that I think I could be highly effective in and I’d like to put in my application to get it. Could you give me some suggestions of things I can be doing better in my current position so that even if I don’t get this position that I’d be a top pick for future promotions?”
- You want the guy to notice you. Find a time when the guy is preferably alone when you can approach him. Walk up to him, smile, and say: “Hi there. I’m Mary. I noticed you like (fill in a common interest the two of you share.) When did you first become interested in that?”
- You want your girlfriend to reciprocate more physically. “Hey honey, it’s important to me to be with someone that enjoys being physically intimate as much as I do. I’ve noticed that a lot of the time during sex, I am the one giving you pleasure and you are the one receiving. It’s doesn’t always have to be about me getting off, but I’d like to be at least part of the equation. The next time we’re together, would you please give me a blow job?”
You can always use your own words and twist these to fit your own scenarios, but the key task remains the same:
Have the courage to ask for what you want!
You will not get what you want unless you ask for it.
Remember: having courage does not mean that you have to remove your fears altogether before taking action. Having courage means you acknowledge your fear and act DESPITE that lurking fear.
Are you taking risks here?
Is there a chance that your fears will come true and you’ll be judged or rejected?
Should you stay safe and remain with your current status quo so that you don’t have to go through that?
Only you can answer that.
But the only CHANCE you have at a better life is by taking that risk.
You never know… you may just get what you ask for!
How’s that going to feel??