Fuck me… Oh so many connotations with that phrase!
Let me tell you a little story…
I once had a guy tell me he wanted to fuck me till I fell in love with him.
I know he wanted to make me wet with anticipation, but honestly, I was just confused.
Because that’s not how it works. How could this guy not know that?
Let’s start here:
There’s a difference between fucking and making love
Fucking is the physical act of having sex, having intercourse, oral sex, mutual masturbation, and any other variation of multiple physical bodies cuming together for sexual play. Fucking is purely physical.
So when a guy tells me he wants to fuck me, it’s flattering and sometimes a turn-on depending on the situation, but it doesn’t speak to my entire being. It doesn’t speak to my SOUL.
And for a woman, speaking to her SOUL is everything!
So then let’s look at making love. Some guys will roll their eyes at this name, but hear me out and then you can coin a new term and let us all know ok?
Making love to a woman encompasses more than connecting the physical bodies. It includes the mental connection, the emotional connection (this can be there well before LOVE exists between the partners,) an intuitive sense as well – your gut saying FUCK YES to this person. A connection on ALL levels… this goes well beyond the physical act of fucking, it transcends it!
Some may disagree with me on the definitions of fucking versus making love, and that’s ok. But I think for a large part of the population, this is pretty easy to grasp.
- Fucking = physical
- Making love = physical + emotional + mental + intuitive
The guy told me he wanted to fuck me till I fell in love with him.
The statement left me feeling empty.
Because the act of fucking leaves me feeling empty.
Because I desire so much more than that.
I desire love.
So to me, his formula was backwards.
But here’s what’s going on behind the scenes here:
Men and women think and operate differently.
I heard something a long time ago that totally clarified the differences between what men want and what women want:
Above and beyond all else, men want to be respected and women want to be loved.
Men want respect. If you’re a woman and you want to connect better with a particular man, look at how you are showing him respect. Forget about approaching him in the manner that YOU desire, because that’s what a woman wants. Approach him with respect in all areas.
Instead of questioning his driving skills in getting you from point A to point B, let go of the need to arrive on time and simply tell him you trust him to get you there safely. You’re triggering his need to protect you and you’re showing him that you trust his judgment, allowing him to make the decisions, not condemning him when he gets lost, and praising him upon arrival. Keep showing respect in similar ways for all interactions with him and he will grow to love you more and more.
That does NOT seem intuitive to most women!
Because women want to feel loved. Women want to feel adored and cherished!
So here’s where it gets tricky when trying to gain the attention of a woman…
All women are different and are going to feel loved in different ways.
And that’s a WONDERFUL thing!
Here is the best thing you could ever ask a woman:
“What makes you feel loved?”
I f you’re not comfortable using the “L” word yet, then adjust that question:
“What makes you feel cherished? adored? appreciated?”
I guarantee you if you ask 100 women that question, you will get at least 99 different answers. And each woman may give you 99 different answers herself. Look at this as a GOOD thing, because this is how you get to keep life interesting by mixing it up!
It may seem like women are complicated, but underneath it all, what women want is to feel loved.
So this guy tells me he wants to fuck me till I fall in love with him…
I knew him well enough to know he was intelligent and seemed to have a good heart. He was smart enough to know that women wanted to feel loved, so he was ahead in that regard.
But to think there was a direct line that went from fucking then leading to love felt off to me. Perhaps it’s fucking that leads to LUST, but it’s not really love.
For me, (and a lot of women will agree here,) falling in love with a man is about so much more than the sexual activity together. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a vital component of a loving relationship, and it’s GOOD to have skills! (More on that HERE.) But it’s not the component that’s going to make an emotionally healthy and stable woman fall in love with a man.
Women want the connection on all levels. Take the time to create the mental connection, the emotional bonds, and the feeling that makes her say “FUCK YES this is the guy for me!”
How are you going to accomplish that? Especially when each woman is drastically different from the last one?
Be present. Pay attention. Ask her inquisitive questions to get to know her. Show her your words are true through your actions. And do all of this consistently.
That’s what it takes to show a woman that she is loved.
So for me, this guy totally missed the mark. He assumed that what he does best, (fucking) is what will cause me to fall for him. But his assumption is off. He didn’t take the time to know me and what makes ME feel loved. And that critical missed step cost him his chance.
“I want to fuck you till you fall in love with me.”
I would much rather have heard:
“I want to show you that you deserve all of my love.”
I would have been putty in his hands at that simple change in words.