Considering NoFap? For the sake of your sanity, Read this first.

There are a lot of claims being made about NoFap. It’s time to break it all apart and show you what’s real and what’s misleading about the whole NoFap movement.

First of all…

What is NoFap?

nofapThe term “fap” refers to masturbation, specifically male masturbation. It’s one of those social media terms that;s been thrown around and gained a lot of attention recently.

I wanted to give you a quick video here explaining what is NoFap, but there are too many videos with their own slant and misinformation on it, so I will give you the tag line from the official NoFap website:

NoFap is a comprehensive sexual health platform. We’re here to help you quit porn, improve your relationships, and reach your sexual health goals. Science-based, secular, and sex-positive.

Basically, the idea set forth from the creator of the NoFap platform is to quit porn, quit masturbating and quit having orgasms.

Here’s a quickie to show how it works:

Promoters of NoFap boast many benefits (or SUPERPOWERS, as they refer to them.) from undergoing their program.

Alleged NoFap Benefits:

  • More energy
  • More confidence
  • Higher sex drive
  • Clearer mind
  • More self-control / self-discipline
  • Enjoyment of life again
  • Reset of dopamine levels in the brain. (They report that porn releases high levels of dopamine in your brain, therefore your brain naturally produces less dopamine on its own. They say you can reset your brain’s dopamine levels by stopping porn.)

Let’s take a look at what’s real behind the surface of these claims:

NoFappers want you to quit watching porn, quit masturbating and quit orgasming so that you’ll get all of the benefits from the list above.

What do they suggest you do INSTEAD of these activities with all the extra time you’re going to have on your hands?

  • Find a hobby
  • Read a personal development book
  • Exercise
  • Meditate
  • Eat healthier
  • Have conversations with your friends and family
  • Do something to better yourself
  • Learn to play an instrument or other pastime
  • Be more physically active through sports
  • Set long-term goals for furthering your life ambitions

And guess what is going to happen when you incorporate all of these new activities into your life? Yep, you guess it! You’ll gain:

  • More energy
  • More confidence
  • Higher sex drive
  • Clearer mind
  • More self-control / self-discipline
  • Enjoyment of life again
But here is my key question for you:

Do you really need to give up porn, masturbation and orgasms to get yourself to do SOMETHING / ANYTHING to better your life?

I’m going to break this answer apart in just a moment, but first I want to point out one thing that no one else is calling bullshit on here…

The creator of NoFap has built an official website that is gaining LOTS of attention where he lays out all the guidelines and support groups, etc for anyone interested in NoFap. (No, I’m not going to give you the link to it. It’s super easy to find it if you want to see it for yourself.) Guess what else has a prominent place on that website? A store of his merchandise. Get enough people to believe in your agenda and they’ll buy your shit. That’s marketing 101. He’s going to sell you stuff.

Ok… now that I’ve said my peace on the marketing ploy, I think there are PARTS of NoFap that are valid. So let’s break it down…

I see three factors at play here with NoFap and it’s important to totally separate out these 3 aspects:

  1. Porn
  2. Masturbation
  3. Orgasm

A lot of NoFappers see these 3 aspects as one activity though: masturbation while watching porn with the goal of having an orgasm. But these 3 need to be looked at individually. Why? Because they can be done individually, and you should know that you’ve got more options than you think you do.

To Quit Porn or Not To Quit Porn?

quit porn for nofapThe main goal of the NoFap movement when you really look at its origins is to get people away from their porn addiction. NoFap has less to do with masturbation and orgasms than it does with quitting porn.

With the internet being accessible to almost everyone on the planet, porn is readily available to everyone these days. And you can find plenty of it for free. That’s not necessarily a good thing.

I could talk endlessly about the modern porn trends and what it’s done to sexuality these days, but let me keep it brief here:

  • Most free porn is centered around male pleasure with the goal of getting the man to ejaculate.
  • A lot of porn has gone to extremes and sets up false expectations for the regular person in engaging with a partner.
  • Sex is most often depicted as a “hard-core” activity and is all about the physical act of fucking, not in the connection between the individuals.
  • You never see foreplay. No wonder so many women are disappointed in that category in current society.
  • Women are most often see as and treated like objects.
None of this is ok in my book.

BUT…

I would not dismiss porn completely.

Porn can be used in a conscious manner without being degrading to women and without approaching addictive levels. I know that’s not how a lot of people use it, but that doesn’t mean you have to shut down an entire industry because of the bad practices of some.

Porn can be a tool used to learn something new. You can learn some cool techniques, and then the whole point would be to go use those techniques on an actual live person! Perfect case in point is the article I wrote Going Down: Female Edition (Check it out… I promise you’re going to learn something new!)

Also, watching porn WITH your partner is a great way to spice up your sex life. And again- the whole point here is that the two of you would watch a clip together and then it would lead to a fucking fantastic sexual experience between the two of you.

One last thing I’ll mention here: It IS possible to find porn that is female-positive, consciously produced and not all about the cum shot. It’s not as EASY to find, but it does exist. Here’s one such example to get you started on a better track: www.erikalust.com

Should I stop masturbating or not?

nofap and masturbationI just published an entire article called Everything You Wanted To Know About Masturbation. I encourage you to read the whole article because it’s calls out all the issues surrounding the taboo on masturbation.

Personally, I am very pro-sex. I am also very much in favor of masturbation as a means of getting to know your own body so that you can have ecstatic, connected sex with a partner, if you so choose.

There is so much taboo around the topic of sex in our society, and the taboo is even more profound when it comes to masturbation. And so too many people feel shame and guilt when they self-pleasure. I say that’s a load of crap. Read my article and you’ll understand why.

There are also tons of benefits from masturbation (this is masturbation that includes reaching orgasm):

  • Reduce stress
  • Release tension
  • Better sleep
  • Boost concentration
  • Elevate mood
  • And more

The only time where masturbation becomes a problem is when it’s interfering with daily functions in your life or if it’s interfering with your long-term life ambitions. So if you’re spending hours everyday masturbating instead of reading a book that will get you to your next life goal, then you’ve got a problem. If you can limit the amount of time you spend masturbating, fantastic. If you need to break the habit of masturbating, then considering the NoFap challenge is a good move for you.

So now let’s get to the heart of this debate…

To orgasm or not to orgasm…?

nofap and orgasm sexualityMasturbation and orgasm are usually thought of as a package deal. A lot of people think the whole point of masturbating is to have an orgasm. And that’s ok. But I’d like to present an alternative here:

It is possible (and sometimes preferable,) to masturbate and NOT have an orgasm.

This is what is referred to as non-goal-oriented sex. It’s having sex, (or masturbating,) without the goal of cuming.

The emphasis here is on enjoying the pleasure of every moment and in connecting with your body and with your partner. This is actually a very old tantric practice that it’s being rather misconstrued with the NoFap movement. With this tantric practice you train your body to channel that sexual energy into other parts of your body instead of releasing all that sexual energy at the time of orgasm that had been building and building in your body. That energy can then fuel other areas of your life. THESE are all of the energetic benefits that the NoFap movement is alleging you can have, but in a misleading way.

The problem I see with NoFap practice is that you’re taught to SUPPRESS your sexual energy, not channel it. Sexual energy is a very strong source of energy; it is vital life-force energy. It is natural and inherent in all of our bodies. When you suppress that drive, you are denying part of your vital existence. And that suppression is going to eventually leak out in weird ways in your life.

I encourage you to open your mind and really listen to a podcast that explains this idea of non-ejaculation for men, (and by extension, not climaxing in sex for both genders.) It goes over the reasons why to do it and how to approach sex in this manner. This can totally change your approach to sex – in a really good way!

podcast sexuality
Click Here

 

My final thoughts on NoFap:

If you have an addiction to porn, then this is a good program to get you rebooted.

When you find yourself with an addiction to masturbation (meaning it routinely interferes with your daily activities,) then stop reaching orgasm while masturbating.

If you find yourself wanting all of the alleged benefits from NoFap listed above, then do all the self-improvement activities they suggest, plus remove the goal of orgasm for a majority of your masturbation sessions. THAT is what’s going to give you more energy, more confidence, and more success in life.

When you retain all of that sexual energy in your body and learn to channel that life-force energy through your body, THAT is what makes you more energetic, and that energy oozes out of your pores. THAT is what makes you highly attractive to others and makes you feel more confident.

The essence behind NoFap is valid in wanting to get people away from mainstream porn. But their methodology is misled. To improve your sexual health, I would encourage you to go about it in a way that channels your sexual energy instead of suppressing it.

But in order to do that, you have to be willing to Screw The Taboo on sex and masturbation.

Peace and love to you!
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10 thoughts on “Considering NoFap? For the sake of your sanity, Read this first.”

  1. One thing that didn’t seem to get addressed that I’m curious about: how does this fit into a healthy sexual partnership. If I have a partner, should I stop watching porn, stop masturbating, and stop having orgasms (together)? The NoFappers mention higher sex drive as a benefit; how exactly is not having orgasms, and thus increasing sex drive, a logical benefit in relationships?

    1. Great question! The NoFap information is not entirely clear on this, and they skirt over some big issues like this one. From what I was able to gather, the main intention of the movement is to get people AWAY from porn so that they can connect better with actual people and have realistic expectations with that partner instead of the unrealistic realities set forth in most mainstream porn. NoFap is pretty clear in stating that they are sex-positive (but I’d argue against THAT point,) and that you can still have sex while following the NoFap program. I THINK the point is to get people connecting better with the real human partner in their life and not with what’s on a screen, (getting away from porn.) And if you’re not masturbating, then you’re (perhaps?) more likely to have sex with your partner. My problem with that point is that I think it’s awesome to masturbate WITH your partner in front of them. And as far as no orgasms go, I laid out my arguments for that in the article. Hope this helps clarify!

  2. If the main goal of the NoFap movement is to get people away from their porn “addiction”, then what do they consider “addiction”? Its easy to venture off to a dozen different tangents about “addiction”, sex, our society/culture and so on… I’m just curious to know what the term “addiction” is supposed to mean? Viewing porn monthly? Weekly? Daily? What is deemed manageable and healthy versus destructive and harmful? It appears to be an undefinable term open to anyone’s interpretation.

    Thanks,

    Carl

    1. Great insight there Carl. And you raise legitimate questions here. On the research I did from the founder of the NoFap movement, they didn’t clearly define what is “addiction” to porn. Nor did they clearly define many of their terms and guidelines. But thousands upon thousands of people have been blindly following their doctrine without digging deeper to what’s real here.
      I go back to my vague outline: if watching porn or masturbating is getting in the way of you accomplishing your daily tasks or in moving forward in your life, then it’s too much. Otherwise, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, go for it!

  3. “…if watching porn or masturbating is getting in the way of you accomplishing your daily tasks or in moving forward in your life, then it’s too much…” Agreed… and that’s generally how I feel about most choices that we have which are slowly being eroded away for the sake of the common good. Unfortunately, there are always going to be certain members of our society who can’t adequately manage their behavior and it begins to negatively impact the lives of those around them. Instead of dealing with the individuals whose destructive behavior (alcohol, gambling, drugs, or any number of other activities) leads to collateral damage for their friends/families/neighbors, “we” as a culture have deemed it easier to either outlaw the behavior or start a moral/ethical campaign against the behavior itself (ie smoking, etc).

    Thank you for allowing the opportunity to have like-minded individuals comment on your writings. By the way, after just ending a 17-year marriage which lacked passion and sexual fulfillment, thanks for reminding me that there are others out there in the world who actually DO cherish a healthy, respectful, imaginative and mutually-fulfilling sex life. 🙂

    1. Carl- there are too many marriages that are stuck in that passionless state… I hope for everyone’s sake that people wake the fuck up and start working for better than that. And by learning to speak up and voice your desires – that’s a really great start!

      1. It IS important to not only be true to one’s self but to be clear with one’s partner about what is important and necessary for a healthy relationship. Divorce is no walk in the park (to be sure) but it sure is liberating… If things were great in the first place, people wouldn’t be splitting up!

  4. Masterbation for males also reduces the need to find sex elsewhere. There are a lot of males and females in relationship that are stagnant “sexually speaking” masterbation offers a release from that lack of sexual connection!
    Not all relationships are created equal, a woman may have a huge apetite for sex and her husband may not, this kind of relationship can go both ways, usually a man has the higher drive, masterbation makes the playing field more equal without infringing on the other person’s feelings.
    This masterbation relationship can be shared with the lesser active partner and even enjoyed by the pair… There is nothing seedy about toying with ones affections, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

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