Anal sex: horribly scary and painful – or – fucking fantastic and hot as hell?
Well, both actually.
It totally depends on your approach to the situation!
I’m here to bring you all the info on anal sex that you were too afraid to ask. Because let’s be real here- who can you really ask about this stuff?
This article is mainly geared for anyone that wants to try anal sex for the first time or anyone that wants a more pleasurable anal experience. And that can be a man or a woman.
There can be a lot of fear for some people surrounding anal sex, and then there are the myths to bust as well. Porn does a poor job of showing realities, and in fact sets up false expectations. Not everyone will enjoy getting their ass pounded in their first anal session. And don’t even get me started on some of the extremes there too; it gets ridiculous at times!
My advice? If anal sex intrigues you at all, then take it step by step and go extremely slow in the beginning.
I’ve had awful experiences and I’ve had orgasmically wonderful anal experiences, so I’m here to let you know that it is totally possible to go from horrible to fucking fantastic when it comes to anal sex.
Let’s break it all down, shall we?
The Butt Basics:
Wanna know some cool facts on why anal can feel so good?
Cool. Let’s talk about nerve endings…
- There are about 8000 nerve endings in a clitoris. All concentrated into that tiny little space. That’s why it feels so fantastic.
- There are around 8000 nerve endings in a circumcised penis; the same as a clit, but spread out over the length of the penis.
- For an UNcircumcised penis, there are more than double! Up to 20,000 nerve endings.
- But what about the anus? 8000 nerve endings! The same as the clit! That’s why it can be orgasmically delightful!
The anal sphincter is one of the most sensitive places on your body. And most of these 8000 nerves are within the first 2 inches of the anal opening. So you don’t need to be penetrated deeply to experience lots of sensations. You also don’t need to be penetrated by anything large; fingers and small toys can do wonders. It all depends on the body, the situation, and the experience level of each person.
Cleanliness & Hygiene:
One of the biggest fears surrounding anal sex is the possibility of coming into contact with feces (poop.) For most healthy adults, that typically will not happen. But there are things you can do to prevent that from happening too.
First of all, there is no poop in the rectum unless you are having an active bowel movement. So let’s use a little common sense here:
- Do not engage in anal play if the receiver has had any hints of constipation or diarrhea.
- Get yourself to the point where you have regular bowel movements. This way you’ll know about what time of the day you might want to avoid anal play.
The minimum you need to do to prep for anal play is:
- Have regular bowel movements
- Wash the external area with soap and warm water.
Most people will feel at ease with those precautions. But you can also go further than that if you feel the need.
While an internal rinse is not necessary for anal hygiene, many people prefer this step so that they know without a doubt that they are clean. This can help you relax more as well, which is totally necessary in receiving anal pleasure!
How to clean internally; a.k.a. Anal Douche
- Use a simple bulb enema with plain warm water to rinse out internally. Never use an enema with vinegar or other harsh ingredients. Simple bulb enemas can be found at some drugstores or you can find a great kit online HERE that will cover all of your needs. Large enema bags are not recommended, as they can cause more problems than they solve.
- To use a small bulb enema, fill it with warm water (not hot!) and gently insert the tip, using lube if needed. Then squeeze the water into the rectum and immediately let it pass into the toilet. Repeat this process until the water flushes clean. That’s it!
Other hygiene / health tips:
Contrary to what you may have seen in porn, (again: false expectations!) do not touch the anus and genitals with the same hand without washing up or changing gloves! The anus and the genitals are two distinct ecosystems and you do not want to spread bacteria from the anus to the genitals.
So with that in mind, do NOT go from penetration in the anus directly to penetration in the vagina! HUGE no-no!! Unless you want a host of infections, just don’t go there! Wash thoroughly between anal and vaginal play.
Some people experimenting with anal sex at some point might feel that urge to take a bowel movement during the act. (This is why it’s so important to already have regular bowel movements!) Just know that that feeling typically goes away quite quickly.
Anal play is something that needs to be talked about openly and with candor between partners.
I can’t stress this enough. Anal sex should NEVER ever, ever, ever be a surprise! That is a recipe for disaster and one of the meanest things you can do to your partner.
Because a body needs to be prepared for anal penetration. Without preparation, painful tearing can happen, and hemorrhoids can pop up essentially preventing the poor recipient from sitting down for a week.
So no surprise anal!
So none of those horror stories need to happen to you as long as there is an open dialogue between you and your partner. I know sometimes these types of conversations can be hard to broach, but if you want a fucking fantastic sex life, communication is a necessary component of it.
Here’s how to break the ice: (BEFORE you’re in the throes of passion!)
“Hey honey. There’s something that I’m curious to try with you, but I’d like to talk about it first so we can see if we’re on the same page.”
Talking about sexual topics outside of the bedroom is HIGHLY recommended because you can have a rational discussion that isn’t fueled by lust or hormones or pheromones.
For someone that is newly venturing into anal play, they need to have a partner that can be fully trusted to be present, attentively listening, and they need to be ready to exercise restraint if needed. Because the one doing the penetrating is NOT the one in charge; the receiver has to be the one calling the shots here if it is to be a pleasurable experience that they want to engage in again and again.
Set up that expectation in your discussion beforehand so that there is no questioning during the act.
How to approach anal play
Start by simply touching the anus. Touch and tease first, massage it lightly and more gentle touching. This will help the recipient relax and trust the touch. Then you add…
This is NOT optional. Unlike the vagina that naturally produces its own lubrication, the anal canal does not. So for a pleasurable experience, lubrication is essential. Use a thicker formula, like a silicone lube. See my favorite silicone lube HERE. (Read more about all the different kinds of lubes HERE.)
Just make sure to NOT use numbing lubes! You want to be able to feel the pleasure first of all, and secondly, if something is not feeling good, then you’ll only hurt yourself by continuing.
Start small and work your way up
This is where we get to use lots of common sense. If it feels good, then continue. If it doesn’t feel right, then retreat and regroup. Common sense, right?
You can start simply with a pinkie finger. Again, make sure you’re using lube. For a first-timer, this might be all that can happen in the first session. And that’s ok. Most of the nerve endings in the anus are within the first two inches of the anal canal anyway, so just one finger moving in and out can be exquisite.
After one finger, you can move up to two fingers inserted with lots of lube. If that’s feeling good, the you can move on to using a butt plug. For beginners, use a small one until it feels good, then you can go up in size. Anal plugs come in small, medium and large sizes. And while you’re at it, why not get a pretty one like these?
There’s just something so devilishly sexy about a jeweled butt plug! Plus, the set pictured here comes with all three sizes, so you can change it up when it feels right for you.
The butt plugs are great too because you can wear one during vaginal intercourse for a fullness that is Oh-So satisfying!
If you get to the point where the butt plug size is feeling good, then you can move on to a small dildo, and then move up to full on anal penetration with a cock.
With anal sex, trust and communication in the beginning are absolutely vital. The person receiving is the one that is charge of the pace here. And the person penetrating needs to listen intently and practice restraint.
The recipient needs to relax into this. Tensing up will not work at all. It can actually help to push out with the anus (almost like you are bearing down for a bowel movement,) to encourage your body to accept the penetration. But even then, it takes a body a little time to adjust to the fullness in the ass.
Slow is the name of the game here. You may need to stop and let the body adjust. You may also need to retreat and then go in again slowly. Stop and let adjust once again. This is a highly personal experience that will be different for everybody. The recipient needs to speak up and guide their partner. If it’s too much, then stop. You can always try again another time. But once the body totally relaxes into it and adjusts to the fullness, that is where the extreme pleasure comes into play!
When the recipient gets to the point where they say to go faster and faster, then you’re in for one hell of a ride!!
And to answer your question, yes it is totally possible to have an anal orgasm!
Different positions can make ALL the difference for anal sex!
Every body is shaped differently and penises all vary in shapes and sizes too. All you see in porn is anal sex in doggy style position. But for some, that won’t work. Other positions you can try are missionary, and the recipient on top. This is such a personal preference that it takes a lot of experimenting with different positions before you’ll find what works best for you.
Common (and uncommon) Questions on anal sex:
How do you avoid bad experiences?
- Communicate with your partner
- Use lube
- Go slow and experiment by starting small
- Use common sense and stop if it becomes too much to handle
Could I end up pooping on him??
That’s not likely. But if you have a gastrointestinal illness, food poisoning, or you’re intoxicated, you may have more reason to fear. If you are really concerned about this, cleanse beforehand with an anal douche. See the Cleanliness & Hygiene section above.
How can I get my wife to understand that there’s nothing gay about anal sex?
I’d recommend having an open discussion about sex in general with your partner. Ask their fears, their fantasies, their likes and dislikes. Part of that discussion gets to be about what you desire as well.
Share this article with her so that she can see that anal sex can be highly enjoyable if done correctly.
And then honestly, I’d watch some videos together of a man and a woman having anal sex. That can help remove the notion that all anal sex is between two men.
How do you prepare for anal sex so that it’s clean?
- Have regular bowel movements
- Wash with warm soapy water externally at a minimum.
- Or for more internal cleaning, use an anal douche to ensure no poop will be present during anal play.
How many times a day is OK?
There really isn’t a number for this. Here is where common sense needs to come into play. If the recipient can’t walk or can’t sit down, is it really in their best interest to have that much anal sex? And why would you do that to them?
This is where you and your partner need to have great communication and trust. Talk about your desires and how each body is responding to the acts. Then adjust accordingly.
“Last time I fingered my girlfriend in the ass she had bleeding, and now I’m terrified that she’s scared of anal now.”
If she was left bleeding because of your actions, you can’t blame her if she’s terrified of anal play now! Quite simply, there should not be bleeding from fingering her ass. When first venturing into anal play, gentleness and restraint are needed from the one giving. Once she is accustomed to that level, then you can start exploring more intense sensations with her. But follow her guidance.
Other questions to ask yourself here: Are your fingernails trimmed short and smoothed on all edges? If not, that’s the first place to start. Does she have any medical issues that could be causing the bleeding? If so, that needs to be sorted out and healed before going to anal play again.
Another thing you could consider is using gloves. Latex or vinyl gloves are a great tool for anal play. With a glove on, it’ll smooth out the edges of your fingernails and you don’t have to worry about touching trace amounts of poop. Changing gloves is easy anytime you want to switch between touching the anus and then genitals or return to full body touch. Some people find the idea of gloves clinical. Get over this association and after a few pleasurable experiences you may find yourself getting turned on at the sight of your lover pulling on a glove!